I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
