just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
