Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.