How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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