He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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