Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.