I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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