I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
