it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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