Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?

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  (586): Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low? http://tfl.nu/jj2a
  Replies (32) Good night (1225) Bad night (2733)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I miss Bob Barker.

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Yeah, more like Douche Carey...

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  (816): I miss Bob Barker. (808): Yeah, more like Douche Carey... http://tfl.nu/37q6
  Replies (12) Good night (1667) Bad night (760)
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  (415): View more from California

  I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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  (415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149
  Replies (75) Good night (1274) Bad night (5145)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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  (313): Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good. http://tfl.nu/3acn
  Replies (19) Good night (1342) Bad night (6222)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.

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  (903): her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top. http://tfl.nu/4up5
  Replies (132) Good night (799) Bad night (8533)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

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  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
  Replies (7) Good night (907) Bad night (4502)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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  (970): Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms? http://tfl.nu/dduo
  Replies (4) Good night (2751) Bad night (1194)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture

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  (928): Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture http://tfl.nu/vg21
  Replies (3) Good night (1683) Bad night (1076)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.

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  (865): Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america. http://tfl.nu/zhnq
  Replies (6) Good night (1716) Bad night (1540)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"

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  (850): Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere" http://tfl.nu/ju0a
  Replies (9) Good night (3452) Bad night (933)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?

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  (403): You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something? http://tfl.nu/hj44
  Replies (17) Good night (4650) Bad night (1239)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.

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  (501): I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual. http://tfl.nu/m5w4
  Replies (4) Good night (941) Bad night (418)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.

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  (906): Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22. http://tfl.nu/rw17
  Replies (8) Good night (591) Bad night (1240)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.

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  (785): Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas. http://tfl.nu/amy7
  Replies (6) Good night (901) Bad night (246)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness

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  (416): so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness http://tfl.nu/y6iu
  Replies (11) Good night (634) Bad night (192)

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