I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.