I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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