puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
