You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
