i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
