brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
