I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
