Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
