I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
