so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
