The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
