Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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