Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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