Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
