I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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