some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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