Define "chronic" masturbator.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
