if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
