i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
