I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
