he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
