Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
her vagine was all disorganized.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
