false alarm. still invincible.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
