I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
