Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize