can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
