There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
