then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you never un-have a 4some
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
