yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
