that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
