It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
