The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
