Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
