So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
