They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
