We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
