its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
