I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
