What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
