you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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