Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
