hell yes lets make some ravioli
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
