If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Randomize
