yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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