You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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