i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
