I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
