god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
