pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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