cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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