yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
