ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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