I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
