I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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