i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
