Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
