The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.