textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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