You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be