I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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