My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
