I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
