i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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