I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
