So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
