just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
