I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
