ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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