Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
