What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
