3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize